The Definitive Answer: Where Do Disappeared Packages Go?
In the U.S. alone, hundreds of millions of parcels are sent each day. While just about all of the mail arrives at its destination safely, occasionally a package mysteriously disappears.
Finding the land of the missing packages was not an easy mission. We had to send our team deep undercover…in packages, of course.
We first shipped Jorge Leon, Michelle McNamara, and Garrett Nakamura, squishing them inside boxes and scanning them into the mailstream. These attempts, shipping Jorge, Michelle, and Garrett, were futile.
Garrett, for example, ended up in Botswana.
Michelle went to France.
And Jorge made his way to Peru.
Yet, we persevered for the good of our customers and the good of our country. We knew there had to be a reason some packages appeared to disappear in thin air.
We were not prepared for what we found.
Package Privateers Have Been Syphoning 0.001% of Packages for a Top-Secret Martian Colony
Finally, Shipment #3456348 was successfully abducted by a package privateer and routed to the land of lost packages, carrying Mario Paganini.
He surveyed the scene: he had landed on Mars. The planet.
As he looked around, he noticed a small colony of hundreds of people.
He learned that the government had formed a top-secret colony on Mars with a couple hundred U.S. citizens. These people were attempting to create a permanent community on Mars.
To sustain life, the government had made a deal with a band of highly-skilled package privateers to divert a small percentage of the U.S.’s packages to Mars. Our clothes, food, toys, electronics–you name it–had made its way to Mars to keep the colony operational.
Nowadays, in the unlikely event we notice a missing package, we’ll gaze upwards, scanning the sky until we find Mars, twinkling brightly in the sky, and say, “You’re welcome.”
Oh, yeah… Happy April Fool’s! 🙂